Just Keep Walking. 74A Westbound, St. Paul

1: Downtown St. Paul is the worst. They’re just assholes. It’s always transit cops, too. I hate transit cops. They’re the worst.

2: They’re just pissed off because they got stuck being transit cops.

1: No, they volunteer for it. They just love being pricks. No matter what you’re doing they hassle you, and say you’re breaking some law.

2: Tell her about those crazy laws in New Orleans.

1: Oh, like “molesting a cheeseburger”? Like if you’re eating a cheeseburger and a pickle falls on the sidewalk. That’s called “molesting a cheeseburger.” Or there’s “leaning with the intent to fall.” That’s if you’re leaning against a wall. My favorite is one they actually made up. My friend hangs out with this guy who tried to shoot himself with a gun in the mouth. It didn’t work but now the guy is slow and not with it. The cops love fucking with him. So they made up something called “aggravated idiocy with intent to disturb.” And for this they threw them both in jail for a week, him and my friend. They should feel sorry for the guy, but no, they don’t. They want to beat him up or throw him in jail.

3: I don’t think I want to go there.

1: It’s fun but there’s always that risk. If you’re with someone who knows New Orleans, it’s okay, because they know what to do. If you’re walking along, don’t stop, because that’s when they fuck with you. Just keep walking.

Life is Good. W. A. Frost, St. Paul

1: Life is good. Life is good. I had a friend from Montana who wanted to be in the air force. She would always say, "Life is good." She drove an old, beat-up Toyota Land Cruiser.

2: Have you seen Million Dollar Baby?

1: No, I have not. Have you seen the Harry Potter movie?

2: No.

1: You should see it. I have all the books.

'Til Death Do Us Part. Black Dog Cafe, St. Paul

I noticed that when I open the door to the coat closet, it smells like a Polish boarding house, because of all the onions that have been sauteed this week. The next time you saute onions, why don't you throw some cabbage in there, just to knock it out of the park?